Why Superman will lose to Nagraaj

I recently downloaded Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe on my Xbox, and me and my flatmates proceeded to set up and engage in awesome and improbable duels including, but not limited to, Batman vs Liu Kang, Kitana vs Catwoman, Sonya Blade vs Flash, Raiden vs Captain Marvel etc. While it was nice to see my flat mates engage in virtual combat, err, kombat with a childlike glee as they hacked, slashed, burned, gouged, strangled and tried to otherwise severely inconvenience each other’s characters, as a regular follower of DC comics, it was jarring for me to see stuff happen that would be impossible in the real world, or rather, the real world of the comics. (THERE IS NOWAY SHANG TSUNG COULD BEAT THE FLASH! NO WAY! NO WAY AT ALL!!!)

While it was understandable that the power levels of some characters would have to be changed to make the game balanced, case in point, a fully powered Captain Marvel could probably defeat the entire Mortal Kombat contingent ex Raiden by just flexing his muscles and yawning, but at the same time, it was slightly disconcerting to see someone like Catwoman actually go toe to toe with Superman. Of course, the fact that one of my flatmates was a rabid fan of Mortal Kombat and refused to listen to my well reasoned arguments on why Captain Marvel could easily defeat even Raiden, was infuriating as well, mostly because most of his arguments were based on his assertion that “Liu Kang phodu hai!”

While it is easy and correct to dismiss a person who argues for the superiority of Liu Kang over a character who is basically Superman with Magic as a charlatan with questionable morals, yet at times, some of the questions and arguments raise cannot be answered easily, simply because no one has tried to answer these questions before, and I, as a follower of both the John Constantine and Gendo Ikari school of thought, cannot let it stand. Therefore, I shall now demonstrate why Superman will lose to Nagraaj in a fight.

I shall approach this problem rationally. Nagraaj is more awesome than Superman, that is a fact. Therefore, Nagraaj has a starting advantage. Secondly, and more importantly, Nagraaj has a counter to each and every move that Superman has, and he has the one thing on his side that Superman has no defense again. Thirdly, and most importantly, I am a jingoistic elitist jerk and India won the world cup this year, therefore, Nagraaj deserves to win.

Anyway, onto the contest. For this brawl, I shall propose a barrier/barrier buster approach, whereby Superman uses his abilities for offensive purposes, while Nagraaj does the same for defense. I could, theoretically, have a more complete scenario, where both Nagraaj and Superman take turns to attack and defend, or they both battle it out in real time. Sadly, due to time constraints and me feeling really sleepy, I shall touch upon only the Supes-attacks scenario. Now, on to the main fight.

Round 1: The Heat Vision

Superman starts off by his most famous ranged attack, the heat vision. Bursts of concentrated solar power speed towards Nagraaj and strike his body. On a normal human being, the effect would be deadly, and even on a superhuman like Nagraaj, it would wreak much havoc. Steam and other hot surfaces have scalded him in the past, but this time, he stands resolute, smiling serenely. Sheetnagkumar’s ice based powers have effectively nullified the heat, and Superman’s first attack has failed without even harming a single scale on Nagraaj’s Body.

Round 2: Freeze Breath

Round two has the man of steel using his famed freeze breath, knowing that as person with reptilian powers, Nagraaj would have reptilian weaknesses as well, and low temperatures would quite effectively screw up his metabolism. Of course, Sheetnagkumar counter this attack as well, simply by absorbing the cold.

Round 3: Super Breath

With his two thermal attacks failing to have any effect, Superman switches to his super breath, attempting blow Nagraaj off his feet and finish him off. Nagraaj reacts by calling out his Nagfani Sarps and switching to his snake form. By the time the first gust of wind hits, Nagraaj is safely buried underground.

Round 4: Up close and personal

With all his long ranged attacks spent, Superman shifts gears and flies towards Nagraaj at great speed, intending to strike Nagraaj with great force to knock him out and incapacitate him. Superman is one of the fastest beings on earth, and is certainly faster than all the Indian superheroes. However, Nagraaj waits for him and uses his Ikchhadhaari power to turn into small particles. Superman passes through him without causing any damage, and manages to stop and turn around fast enough to turn the fight into a melee, a fight where Superman’s legendary super strength comes into play.

Unfortunately, this is where Superman’s legendary vulnerability to magic comes into play as well. Nagraaj blows out a small burst of his vish funkaar and Superman falls victim to his own super olfaction, and is momentary disoriented. In the time it takes Superman to recover, Nagraaj unleashes his two most destructive ikchhadhaari naags, Saudangi and Naagu. Saudangi attacks Superman’s body with her magic, while Naagu attacks his mind. Nagraaj’s own strength is of course no match for the man of steel, but Saudangi and Naagu distract Superman enough for Nagraaj to get one bite on Superman. While his Kryptonian DNA and the solar energy stored in his skin cells allows Superman to fight off the worst effects of the poison, the fact that the posion is the posion of a god means that it is still enough to incapacitate Superman. With Superman incapacitated, Saudangi easily starts channeling out Superman’s stored solar energy while Nagraaj creates a canopy of his snakes to prevent any light to reach Superman’s body, thereby depowering him.

Game, set and match.

(EDIT: I haven’t explained all the powers and their nuances in great detail as they are all canon, and anyone who reads comic books should be familiar with them. Also, I am a geek and tired and sleepy, therefore my logic makes sense. Etc.
Also, the formatting in some places is horrible, and I will, at some point of time, correct them, and more add images)